Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I love you.
Bad choice
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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