He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
