I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
