oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
