Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
