I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
