i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
