meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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