Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
