So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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