He is such a slut. More and more my type.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Randomize
