nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
