Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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