well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
