Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Oh god it's open bar.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
