ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
