I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
