its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
