So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
