I love black thongs
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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