dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
even my farts smell like vagina
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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