how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
