I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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