omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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