ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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