he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
