she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
