He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
