You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
