he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
