erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
