obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
