Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
you had me at cake vodka
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
