did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
