We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
