Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
