I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
