If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
im holly from the hills drunk
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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