oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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