I think I am morally bankrupt
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
