Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
