Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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