I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
