toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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