Quick, to the slutcave!
Is it because I queefed?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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