I wish I only lived at night.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
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