Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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