i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
