You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
