i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
