So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
